I'm still impressed by that conversation and it affects my life, You are doing something very meaningful, I have become braver and more hopeful.
In the past, I was trapped in a state of isolation and helplessness, which affected both my relationships and my work. This conversation, and this encounter, showed me that there are so many wonderful people in the world; I don't need to be exceptionally capable or wealthy to receive warmth and understanding. I've started working hard, hoping to travel again.
Whenever I face difficulties or suffer from the pain of past trauma, I remind myself to take a deep breath and trust that I am safe: holding onto the belief that "everything will be okay."
We discussed love and a sense of security. I felt ashamed of seeking such happiness from external sources: a sentiment likely stemming from the feminist emphasis on independence and self-reliance found online. Yet, I openly acknowledge my inner emptiness and my intense desire to find fulfillment outside myself. At the same time, I feel utterly useless to others; indeed, I often feel as though I have nothing. I feel unimportant to anyone, constantly vulnerable to criticism and abandonment. Yet, I also keep others at arm's length, erecting walls of defense.
I am bravely embracing a new life; we shouldn't remain trapped in the pain of the past. After the breakup, I traveled to Pai alone, where I made many friends: some of whom I'm still in touch with. Later, I returned to Chiang Mai and started dating a Spanish man. I ended that relationship two weeks ago; while there was some pain, I felt mostly relieved. He wasn't the right match for me, and I had the courage to let go, knowing I deserve a better kind of love.
Filled with acceptance, care, and understanding, we shared tears and embraces, and exchanged heartfelt wishes. The only regret is that it was all too brief. Unfinished? Until we meet again, and as we carry this strength forward…
